Monday, December 28, 2009

New Year's Wish

ABBY and a few friends. So many great new albums out too. Sigel, Bun-B, Common, Green Day, new B.I.G.. I'M WITH WHATEVER!!! That's the real shit.


Watching Spike's documentary. Kobe is colorful when he speaks about life through basketball. Metaphors everywhere. He must have some Big Aristotle in him. No homo. I wish him and his family well for New Year's. Delco original.

Friday, December 25, 2009

2Pac Raised Me, Shady Crazed Me

Deliver US from the devils.
Keep it dead serious on all levels.
They might talk this about depleted metals,
But I shed tears of concrete petals.
Do this until I LIE for my rebels,
Toss my fate in the air like a gang of pebbles.

Praise The Lord Almighty

I wish to take this time to slow things down and thank all those that have ever influenced my life and my present state. I hope people from all walks of life can understand my pain and the purpose I intended to exhaust through this blog. ONE LOVE PEOPLE!!!

Christmas Night

good night to all, and to all a good night. i saw santa clause today!

Rich (I mean wealthy)

There was this Dutch Master I met one time a long time ago. He was very mischievous and did whatever he could to irritate his neighbors because they were old and didn't understand kids these days. In fact, he pulled so many pranks on his neighbors that his neighbors began to question whether or not he was on their side. So he decided to climb a tree and get a better look at his neighbor's house so he could pelt it with walnuts until he ran out of walnuts.

Tommy Gun

There was this kid I met one time a long time ago when I was too young to remember him. He had so much fun with his friends that eventually he decided he would only claim one as his own. And the two of them were perfect for each other until they realized how many pieces to the puzzle they had left behind. And the two blood brothers who knew so much about each other and hung out all the time got together and started using their Tommy Gunz.

Goose (Hard White)

There was this really tough and no b.s. kid I met one time when I was really young. He was good at hurting people and he was also good at hurting himself. In fact, the two of us got hurt so much together that it felt like we were hurting ourselves to prove a point to other people who thought we were being reckless. And one day we decided to say "fuck it," and keep hurting ourselves until we did so much hurt that we decided to start healing all the people who ever hurt us. And then they got down on their knees and bowed to the Hard Whites. Goose: you never should have let those clowns see my stuff man. Now they probably just want a piece of it.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Gordo (country tenacity)

There was this feisty jolly kid I met one day a long time ago. He loved delicious things and he loved to laugh at himself. He also loved to instigate situations. Until one day an even bigger instigator came along and started giving him a taste of his own medicine. And the feisty jolly kid didn't like this, but he never fought back. He just said all the nice things he possibly could about the other instigator because he knew that if he didn't there would be hell to pay. And then the two instigators started believing in each other, until one day they couldn't get a word in edgewise because their mouths got too slick.

MC Escher

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Ms. Possibly The One

There was this girl I ran into one day. She knew what I was about and was so aware of my predicament that she decided she would find a way to drive me crazy. And she drove me so crazy that I forgot about all the things that were truly important to me. And then I began to think that if this girl was capable of driving me crazy then she must have entered my life for a good reason. So I decided the only way to stop driving myself crazy was to give into her wishes. Because she understood that my dreams were not too different from hers. And so I stopped pretending I didn't care about her and let her believe that she cared about me as much as I cared about her. And then we stopped caring about what other people thought about our situation and just lived for the sake of us.

Sheetz (P.I.M.P.)

There was this dude from Florida I met one day who had a lot of swagger. He was really creative and loved to be involved in competitive atmospheres. Until one day he went to college in an atmosphere that was full of trickery and he lost his hunger for competition when he hurt his neck one day. But then he recovered and went back to kicking ass the only way he knew how. And then he moved to a beautiful island and started kicking ass in a number of things. And he never stopped until he dropped.

JM (C.R.E.A.M.)

There was this kid I met one time in a magical college town where everything seemed perfect. He was Irish and loved telling stories and making jokes. He loved making jokes so much that sometimes he couldn't begin a joke without laughing. But despite his inability to tell jokes without cracking himself up, he was really good at making lots of money. Until one day he went to college in the middle of nowhere and joined a fraternity. And he spent most of his time getting drunk and fighting with the frat next door because they did too many illicit drugs. He did this so much that the cops began to get used to it and except it as normal behavior. But then one day his fraternity ended and he got a high-paying, but stressful job in the middle of nowhere. And he had all this money but nothing to say for it. So he began dreaming of cooking "toasted-chee" sandwiches again.

Ward (lights, camera, action)

There was this really sarcastic and hard-working kid I knew one day. He had two parents that were completely different in appearance. But they complemented each other well. Until one day he decided they might not be good enough for each other. So he ran away from home and built his own home somewhere near where he was born. And it was sunny there all the time. And there were all these people trying to reach the same goal he had. But these people weren't as good at what he did as he was. Because they were chasing after fame and fortune. And he was too smart for that because he was born in this place and once he left it he realized what life is actually about. So he just kept on going in his direction.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Dwight (the real menace)

There was this kid I met one day when I was too young to really understand why he did what he did. So I just did what he did because he said it made me stronger. Until one day I ran into an obstacle that he had been telling me to avoid my entire life. And without his guidance it was difficult to hurdle that obstacle without becoming an obstacle to myself. And by breaking a bond I had made with him a long time ago we became even better friends. And the dream we had been talking about since we met started to seem feasible. And so I started by burning a one dollar bill. And then more dollar bills kept showing up. And the two of us just burnt them down.

Billy Goat Gruff

There was this really resilient guy I met when I was really young. He put up with a lot of my crap because he knew my crap didn't stink. Until one day he began to think my crap did stink and he got really concerned. And I talked to him about it as much as possible to convince him that my crap didn't stink. And then he believed me. And then we started writing a show that we had been talking about since we were in elementary school.

Laura (grace)

There was this girl I met one time through a friend I was making deals with. She was really pretty and had a great sense of style and really knew how to talk to people. Until one day this menace with no sense of good or bad came along and ruined the princess. And the princess was so graceful that she just let it slide. Because her sense of entitlement was loyal enough to let the menace test his patience. And then the two loyal people with no sense of entitlement helped the menace out.

Stern (con artist)

There was this kid I knew one day with an imagination that could not be contained. He loved all sorts of art-related subjects. And so one day him and his good friends put together a company to sell these art-related items. And it slowly began to gain momentum and prosper. And somehow this kid that everyone thought was the underdog became a CEO of his company. And all these people who thought they knew what they were doing with themselves were like, wtf? How did this kid that everyone thinks is a con artist doing all these great things for himself? He must be selfish. Or have no sexuality. Or just be a smart Jewish kid with a good idea.

Norwood (meet the dealer)

There was this badass I knew one day. He thought he had everything he needed in one place. Until this other badass he thought he knew came along and ruined everything the real badass created. And then the two badasses saw eye to eye and realized that something wasn't quite right. And then a bunch of deals were made that had nothing to do with things you burn. And the two bad men became good men and started "good will hunting." And then they realized that "good will hunting" is not worth it. So they chilled out and just built things.

Dave (brains)

There was this really smart kid I knew one day. He knew more than most people do at his age. But he wasn't willing to admit it because it would make him look like a nerd or something. And then one day this other guy with this drug came along and made him realize that its not about what you know, but who you know. And then that computer chip deep inside that nerd blossomed into a massive system that had limitless potential.

Heinrich (practicality)

There was this German tourist I knew one day. He knew exactly what the deal was because his parents knew what the deal was. He loved to drink and he wasn't afraid to show it. In fact, he drank so much he would eat entire bags of double-stuf Oreos and not give a fuck. Because he was German, and he could fix it by running a lot the next day. Until he realized that running wasn't really his thing it was someone else's. So he let that other person who taught him how to run do his thing. And they both took off and left all the problems they started with way behind them. And it was like they had a fresh start and could eat all the double-stuff Oreos in the world and not care what other people thought about them eating all the good things. Because they were practical and both loved to drink.

Fuckin' Up Forgan (Dead Presidents)

There was this guy I met one day who had all these tools to get what he wanted out of life. And he used these tools about as well as anyone I know. He used these tools so well that I figured his tools might one day allow me to get what I want. But then he got a really important job and he had to forget about his tools and use his computer. And then his computer started forgetting about its own tools. So this man with the really important job took the chip out of the computer and placed it on his shoulders. And the computer got a little too crazy and almost crashed. But then out of nowhere it fired up again and got sick all over everyone. And it didn't stop being sick until its program got its point across. And then we all stopped being Fuckin' Up Forgan and started being President Forgan.

Suarez (Uncle)

There was this really wise guy I knew one day. He was from Ohio. It just so happened that the day I met him I had a roommate from the same area of Ohio. And it clicked. And I realized just how smart people from the heartland of this country are. Because they work at diners and don't pretend like they shouldn't be working at diners. Because they are blue-collar at heart and might not want others to know.

Kiddo (this girl I knew)

There was this girl I thought I knew one day. I met her on a vacation in Central America. And then the vacation ended and so did we. But it took me a while to figure out why and point the finger at myself. So I asked her to be happy again and remind me of the old her. Because that's what everyone wanted back: the old them.

Danny (Boss Man 2)

There was this other boss I knew and still know. He was always down to do whatever he wanted. And I followed suit because that's what everyone likes to do. He was from Boston and loved to pick fights with people. Just like me. So sometimes we butted heads. Like brothers would in a way. But we never meant each other harm. We were just two dudes with a lot of pride. And I respect him for that. Because that's what bosses do: they respect what's good.

Roger (Boss Man)

There was this boss I used to have and still have. He keeps it about as real as they come. So I occasionally look to him for advice. This one time I was talking life with him in his office and asked him a bunch of questions about trust. And he laid it down for me: family. And I understood. Because he probably never felt entitled to anything in his life. Maybe it was because he was black. Or maybe it was because he listened to too many white people in his days. Either way, this man named Roger, poor or rich, smart or dumb, skinny or fat, knew exactly what people needed to hear. Now that's respect. And trust. And I will never forget this boss. Because he was the true definition of a boss.

Nedra (Mom)

There was this sweet lady I knew when I was younger. She was the nicest lady I ever knew. She always did what was right for me. Even if I didn't listen. Until one day the devil came around and took her away from me. That devil was not of the flesh. It was something she continued to buy even though she didn't necessarily need it. And it destroyed the sweet old lady and made her precious son a menace to society. And one day that menace had a drug-induced revelation: college. And that menace got his priorities straight and started to put certain puzzles together as quickly as possible because college was not doing it for him. And one day that menace will come full circle and hopefully become so powerful that he can change all the wrongs in the world. But that menace is not me: it's hip-hop. The slogan of CHANGE the Obama administration has adopted is not a reference to the fact we have a black president. It means more. It means a revolution is coming. One that Jay-Z would say requires a Glock 40 instead of 40-acres and a mule. Because America can't CHANGE it's past. It can only forgive itself and do the right thing: share the wealth.

Bruce (Pops)

There was this other military man I knew when I was younger. He always forced me to be the best I could be at whatever I do. He took me to this movie when I was 12. It was called He Got Game, directed by Spike Lee. But the movie wasn't about me. Or him. It was about HIM. Little did he realize that what I was being forced to be the best at was not what I was ready to be the best at during those times. And then when I realized what it was I needed to do to be the best he agreed with me. And then things started really looking up from there. I'll never forget him for that.

Big Will and Old Man Brian

This military man I met one time had a bunch of good ideas. Sometimes he would just tell me about them and other times he would put them on his blog. Either way, this man thinks that serving his country is the right thing to do. As do I. He has this mentor that I think has broken too many bones in his life and it has made him a little callous. But he gives me advice anyway and I listen. Because that's what apprentices do until they are wise enough to pass down advice without sounding like jerks. Or self-righteous bastards who have it figured out but don't want others to know. Maybe these apprentice-types should start sharing more.

Why Guns Are Not Cool

Because they kill people. But the fact that other people have them and might be thinking about using them against me means I need one of my own. You know, for protection and whatnot. If for now that gun is writing on a blog instead of my screenplay, then so be it. If that gun is riding a bike to try to make ends meet, then so be it. What's your gun?

Getting Hit On By Bears at McDonalds

The most flattering thing about living in Dupont: getting hit on in McDonalds by gay men. Thank you. But apparently I have business to take care of at home according to several resources. I guess she is too important. Oh well. For a minute there I thought being gay makes life easier. Or maybe it just puts things in perspective.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Near Vigilante Status

I missed an opportunity today to be a real-life vigilante, mostly due to the fact I was entirely too hungover and sleep deprived. Around 10:00, I was leaving 805 15th St. when three dudes came running north across H St. in my direction. The one in front was young, and the two trailers were middle-aged. The fellow in the back was yelling "thief, thief," but since there were two guys running ahead of him I wasn't sure who the thief was. The younger one, the older one, or both. As the two lead runners past me, the last one slowed down and I realized the kid in front was the thief and the other two were store owners chasing him down. The silly teenage thief made the classic mistake of running into an alley, and a minute later the store owner reappeared from the alley with the punk by the collar. Lol. Turns out the kid (who was 17) stole some merchandise from the AT&T store. First of all, if you're 17 shouldn't you be in school on a Friday at 10:00 am? And second, if you're 17 shouldn't you easily be able to outrun a pair of misshapen middle-agers? And third, on principle I would have dropped his ass for them if I had been privy to the situation. Don't care if he was 17. He deserved to have his ass kicked. Instead I guess he might be going to juvy. Poor kid. He will learn in time.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

H.R. Giger

H.R. Giger (one of my favorite artists)

H.R. Giger is a Swiss surrealist painter, sculptor, and set designer. He is most famous for designing the Alien in the Alien film franchise. This design was based off his painting Necronom IV, posted here (click to see full image).

D.C. City Council Votes in Favor of Gay Marriage

This post is a little late, but a historic event took place on Tuesday, Dec. 1 when the D.C. City Council voted in favor of legalizing gay marriage in the District. Mayor Adrian Fenty has pledged to sign the bill, but the measure must survive a 30-day review by Congress. If things go according to plan, then same-sex couples should be able to wed in the District by mid to late-Spring. Hopefully the prospect of "them gays" eloping in the nation's capital will make homophobic rednecks from Virginia less inclined to journey into the big city in their Ford F-150s. Chocolate City with married gay people has to be a pretty scary place for Billy Bob from Fairfax. Go America!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Frank Lloyd Wright Lakeside House (Petra Island, NY)

Lazy Sunday

It's a lazy Sunday
And what can I say
I have nothing to do
But chill and parlay.
Some might head to church,
Or go purchase some merch,
And they will learn in time
To observe from their perch.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Perfect Picture

As an artist, I am constantly striving to paint the perfect picture. Sometimes I get lost along the way and become so caught up in the picture of reality that I lose track of painting the perfect picture for myself. At this point in my life the picture of reality has become so good that I have lost track of what's truly important: my personal integrity. The perfect picture will never be realized if I don't stay true to myself. Everyone makes mistakes. Especially me. My problem is that the mistakes I make in reality reflect poorly on the process of painting the perfect picture. When I fall it can be difficult for me to forgive myself. It can also be difficult to admit guilt to those that have fallen with me. Because in my mind I let them down in the process of painting their own perfect picture.


You may know about this,
And I may know about that.
You may think it's fiction,
And I may think it's fact.
I may be a writer
Who tends to sing the blues,
And you will never know
What it means to walk in these shoes.


Trapped in the game -
too much exposure.
Fighting each day
To keep my composure.
Friends on my side,
Enemies closer.
I know not which way,
but despite what they say,
I'm down for this ride time to give in and pray.


It's tough to admit guilt.
It's tough to deny the way we were built.
It's tough to take a beating,
With people constantly seeking.
And it's tough to stay in place,
And it's tough to look yourself in the face -
When you cannot let go and fall from grace.

Terminator: Salvation (thank you roomies)

So last night we watched Terminator: Salvation and that was all I really needed to get me out of my current slump. I am not a machine, but sometimes life makes you feel that way. We are all robotic in some sense, and for someone like me who lives viscerally it is often difficult for me to slow down. I have feelings like everyone else, I just tend to internalize them. It is a defense mechanism ingrained in my genetics. And it no longer serves a purpose for me. I don't need anyone else necessarily, but I do need the love of my people: friends and family. A psychiatrist might help, but in reality some clean clothes, cooked food, and good company is all I need to be on my way. I never intend to hurt people, but my mouth has never had a filter. Maybe it's about time I start using one. Because I'm tired of hurting too.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Playing God (lawyers are the worst)

So I was picking up a case filing for a law firm at 975 F St. today and I think I may have enlightened the middle-aged secretary there. The office she was sitting in was immaculate. Perhaps the nicest I've ever seen. All modern-styled leather furniture with high ceilings and a giant spiral staircase. WTF? Anyway, I told the old lady how nice the office was and that I had seen nothing like it. She replied by telling me I should be a lawyer then. Please. My response: "Nah, there are too many lawyers. I'd rather play God." Hahahaha. She should have already known I'm a street attorney.

30,000 Troop Afghanistan Strategy

I didn't catch Obama's speech the other night about the deployment of 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, but after skimming a few articles about the new strategy I feel somewhat confident in the plan. I will discuss this topic in more detail in the future once the plan begins to unravel, but for now I will say that it is about time we take a more extreme "hands-on" approach to this war. It is unfortunate that it requires more troops, and consequently more death, but that is part of the conundrum that is war. This war was bound to drag on forever with the approach W. was taking, and finally we have decided to be more vigilant on the ground in ensuring the security of Taliban-controlled areas. Hopefully the Afghan security forces will be convinced of our fortitude and will keep their allegiances with "freeing" their people and not be swayed by the psychological power of extremism the Taliban holds over much of Afghanistan's populace. Hopefully. Thoughts?

Thursday, December 3, 2009

BFF09 Alleycat Race

What: An Alleycat!
When: Saturday, Dec. 5. - 1:30 registration, 2:00 start time
Where: 2204 14th St., NW
Why: It's fun (as long as people stay within their comfort zone)

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Tea Party Protest

For those that didn't make it down to the Mall for the Tea Party protests in September, here is a hilarious video. Rednecks be warned: this will make you seriously question your intelligence.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Bicycle Film Festival

This weekend there will be a Bicycle Film Festival coming to town. Check out the kick-off party at Asylum at 9pm on Friday night. On Saturday the film screenings will take place at the United States Navy Memorial Theater. There will be three films shown at 5, 7, and 9. An after party will take place with the location to be announced. Anyone remotely involved in cycling should take advantage of this weekend event.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Why Life Is All Good (family)

(Wednesday night entry)
I realize life has been stressful lately and I have been dealing with it in a very odd way. However, right now has reminded me why everything is OK. At this moment, I’m sitting at the bar 50 feet away from my flight terminal. Sure, my flight has been delayed twice now (from 7:40 to 8:05 to 8:35 now), but fuck it that just means more time for more drinks. I am currently pre-gaming for the real party in Ocean Reef Club with my fam. I made it through security with my chronic taped to my crotch and I wish I could smoke this shit right here, right now. But instead I’ll be patient and burn it with my blood in Key Largo. Can’t wait to hop in that Carysfort van and ask the driver if I can light up. If not, it’s just more for my crew when I finally arrive. Thanksgiving is the best holiday for too many reasons. Let’s give thanks to what truly matters in life and forget about the rest. ONE.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Trust (why I've been acting crazy)

Anyone who would like to further understand why I've been acting a little manic lately should listen to "Dog Intro," by DMX on Grand Champ. Although I believe people are inherently good and want what is best for humanity, ultimately there are enough stupid, evil people that society will always be inherently evil. When I spend too much time away from those closest to my heart, I begin to question people's motives. Especially in Washington, D.C. where the big wigs on the Hill don't understand what's best for everyone because they are after political celebrity status for the most part. They've never experienced enough of this country to understand what people are going through in other places. Money is power and we cannot afford to keep all the power in the hands of the same people anymore. Because they don't know what's really going on. People die everyday because of sheets of paper. Not because they want to or deserve to, but because they have no choice. That's why I love reading news stories about some middle-aged yuppie being stuck-up by 13-year-olds. You were outsmarted by a teenager and lost $300 over it? Boo hoo. Good. They need it much more than you do.

Teamwork (the first of many)

I had a dream about my old football days last night that reminded me of what being a team truly entails. Once upon a time, I decided to spend an additional year in high school to figure out what I really wanted to do in college. Part of this had to do with baseball. I decided to attend The Lawrenceville School because they accepted me and it was the best of the prep schools I applied to. Although I was initially opposed, I decided to play one more season of football because you were required to play two sports and I figured why not stay in shape to prepare for the sport I actually cared about. BIG MISTAKE. There is a reason the only football coach I ever listened to was Kevin Clancy at my beloved Strath Haven. He inspired you to optimize your natural gifts as a football player. And he demanded perfection. He put the best 11 on the field (and I only made the cut on special teams). No bullshit. No politics. No parents involved. This was all a time-tested formula for winning. And we always won. At Lawrenceville the formula was way off. Run a million sprints during three-a-days. Fine. I'll dog people in sprints so I can stay in shape. But why are we doing all this cardio in training camp? Shouldn't everyone be in shape coming into camp? Apparently not. Couldn't we be spending some of this time learning how to properly execute plays? What happened to details? Being a physically fit team means nothing if you can't execute and play cohesively. So after training camp I kind of took a step back and watched the team crumble. "It's the ghosts of Strath Haven," is what my coach at Lville would say when I screwed up. Damn right it is, they are trying to remind me what the fuck is going on here. We had some bright moments, but for the most part things went wrong. And for the two snaps I begrudgingly took in a meaningful game situation (the starter was down for a minute), I realized exactly why we sucked so bad. After the first play, I got the huddle together and before I could call the next play, the fat, immobile fuck of a center had the nerve to say, "What is he (coach) doing, put (starter) back in!" Really!? I mean I don't want to be quarterbacking you guys in the first place, but just because you like his hands on your nuts more than mine doesn't mean you can open your fat mouth about it. I bit my tongue, but if I had cared about that team I would have grabbed the center by the facemask and kneed him in his fat gut for that attitude. But I refrained. Because most of the kids on the team weren't worth the time. So, the starter came back in after that and we continued to lose that game. The moral to all of this is that in most team sports, especially football, you cannot win if individual interests are placed above what is best for the entire unit. Sure, some guys are trying to get scholarships. But if you are the type of football player who would rather achieve individually and lose than perfect your role and win, then you are no football player in the first place. Thoughts?

Monday, November 23, 2009

Hill Rats (the first of many on this topic)

First of all, if you are an unpaid intern you can't say shit to anyone. Start learning how to pay rent before you talk big. This doesn't stem from a beef with any particular Hill Rat, it's just the way it is. I had to deal with one of these fools on the phone outside Hart last week and it about drove me crazy. Where are your people skills? You're a damn intern learn them. Stop mumbling to me about how the phones are swamped and you're sorry but you have to put me on hold for a minute. It's your job not to put me on hold and answer these damn lobbyists questions quickly, or whatever you do. Go back to school and learn people, then do your poli-sci thing. Time is money and you're wasting mine.

DMX/Jigga backstage freestyle (X kills it)

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Sirens Party

First of all - many apologies for my behavior last night. I'm sure I offended plenty. In my defense, when you step foot in my (OUR) house you play by my (OUR) rules. Anyway, let's get to the story. So the female acapella group, the Sirens (affiliated with my alma mater GW - check them out), hosted a party at our place last night because their initial venue fell through. That's all good in my book - they took care of business and held up their end of the deal (thank you Taylor). I had a hell of a time and my night went pretty much the way I envisioned it. However, when you have a party at your house that is not technically being hosted by you, shit is bound to happen. First of all, when I'm smoking my weed in my house I don't need people I don't know holding their hand out. Can I hit that? No, you don't know me. This is my chronic, I tend to smoke the finest, and my good friend I buy it from doesn't put his ass on the line so some clown can smoke his product. Go home and smoke your dirt weed then come back to my house and party. That's all I ask, and if you are a true smoker this should be falling on deaf ears ("Despise dudes who wanna get high but never buy" - Meth). Second, I know it's weird to walk into a house party and see some hyperkinetic freak walking around with his shirt off in stunner shades and a bucket hat, with a glass of suspiciously green liquid (JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE baby, they sell it around the corner now, I'm supposed to stop but I can't!). But before you pass judgment and start some shit you don't want to finish, ask yourself what you would be doing if the party was in your house. Probably having a lot more fun because you wouldn't give a fuck what other people are doing. Don't care if you're wifed-up with some girl in the Sirens and because they are technically hosting you think you have the right to tell me what's what. Nah, not in our house. This is our shit here and we do things our way. And I've been listening to DMX way too much lately, so now is not a good time to test us. So chill with the small talk. I understand you are still in college and that's what we do when we're in expensive day care. But those days are behind me, and WE are on some grown men shit. Just because your girl wants on my team doesn't mean you can run off at the mouth. I'm gonna be getting drunk and lifted on Saturday nights for life. If I'm in the type of mood where I want to hurt whoever tries to touch mine, I might decide to drink energy in the form of a green malt liquor. If I'm at home, I might decide to take my shirt off. Especially if a bunch of kids are running around my house. I'm trying to lay down the law in my own home. Jealous? Good. Stay that way homeboy, you'll get nowhere fast. Just don't bring that shit around my home. Third, I don't know who the two love-struck fools were messing around in Arndt's room, but don't ever try to fuck in a stranger's bed. That will get you killed. Especially by large German men who have gun fetishes and live in a city that finally decided to follow what the Constitution says and give us the option to arm ourselves. No, Arndt is not packing, but what if he was? And he was a little too drunk. And in a bad mood. Decisions like that lead to either abortion or at the best, some bad, drunken sex. Get the picture? Get the girl's number and punch your ticket to slam city next weekend. Who knows, she might even be worth dealing with. Last, I'm not even gonna get started on why or how baby powder is all over the second floor bathroom. Whoever did it, you know you fucked up. Try that shit next time when I'm not hammered and running all over the house, because you will be cleaning it up. Perhaps with a few of your teeth in the mix. Thoughts? Am I being too harsh?

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Chief Ike's Rules

I went to Chief Ike's (1725 Columbia Rd., NW) for the second time last night and am fully convinced of its awesomeness. I didn't realize the first time I went, but they have free billiards! There is only one table so you need to go when it isn't too crowded to have any luck playing, but last night business was pretty slow so it was perfect for a Friday night pool session. The bartender was real cool, and he was playing some great party music. I heard the new Jay-Z song, "On To The Next One," which is insanely good (produced by Swizz Beatz). I asked the bartender about the Blueprint 3 and he has convinced me to go buy it. I'll post a review on that in the near future. Anyway, overall it was a great time except for the knucklehead bouncer. When I went outside to get some fresh air, I stepped outside the patio onto the sidewalk to take a short stroll. When I returned the bouncer looked at my ID (for the second time) and asked me for a $5 cover. I can't recall exactly, but when I initially went in I don't remember there being a cover. That wouldn't make sense for a place like that (unless they were trying to make up for their losses since it was slow). I looked at the bouncer like he was crazy, but he insisted I give him $5 and showed me a wad of cash as an indicator of him collecting cover charges. I told him I had already been inside, and pointed to the three friends I had come in with who were seated right inside the front window. He continued to insist, so to avoid arguing and wasting time I handed him a petty Lincoln. In my annoyance, I proceeded to tell him to go buy a few Kit-Kats with it (he was fat). Later on, while leaving the bar for good with my friends, he attempted to return the $5 to me realizing I had in fact been in the bar prior to our uneasy encounter. I was too drunk to swallow my pride, so I again told him to keep it and buy himself a few Kit-Kats with it. I love Chief Ike's and I don't want to be turned away in the future, so to the bouncer I apologize for being stubborn. Next time I'm there and you are working I will apologize in person. Regardless, the point remains that it is a great homely bar and should be checked out by all those seeking an alternative to DC's "lounge" scene. Thoughts?

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Phillies Rant (The Virtues of America's Birthplace)

*This was a letter I wrote to my sister in light of the recent baseball tragedy (the context will be difficult to understand for outsiders but the point remains - I was venting)
Furry - can't sleep. So true about (hopefully not) seeing A-Rod at ORC. Although over the last season he's gained a little respect in my eyes for slightly evolving out of his prima donna bullshit since the steroid thing came out - he's still a punk-ass. Typical Yankees player, no personal integrity or respect for the game. To the point where I, a baseball nut, had absolutely no interest in approaching him and attempting to chat when we saw him and his pretty boy frosted-tips catching a Hollywood-esque tan in ORC two years ago. Any true Yankees fan (and there are some, i.e. our step-father) should look at this latest ring as bittersweet - which is precisely how Lou described it. The only people in that organization that shouldn't be struck down by the baseball gods are Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera, maybe a few others. If the Yankees had any idea how to run a baseball team they would win the World Series every year. George Steinbrenner doesn't know shit about baseball. Neither does Cashman. When only big wigs on Wall Street can afford decent seats to a World Series game, you have a problem. You have people running your team who don't know the game and you're bound to fail. That's the bottom line. And that's why I have little reason to be upset about losing other than the fact that, duh, we didn't win. And we always want to win. All season long. In NYC, the Yanks (other than Jeter and Rivera) and most of their fans want to win when it's convenient - when they make it to the World Series. April through September is meaningless to them. No one is tuned in. I love visiting, but fuck that city. It sucks the life out of people. I'm sure that's one of the several reasons Nat left. I should ask her. No one has character other than born-and-raised New Yorkers. And even born-and-raised ones usually think simply because they're from the financial and cultural capitol of the world, they're gods’ gift to Earth. It’s that sense of entitlement New Yorkers have that makes them inferior to those of us down the turnpike. Phuck that. People come, capitalize on the many opportunities NYC offers, then generally get out. Philly is everything an East Coast city should be.New York failed to uphold those standards and principles a long time ago. It's unfortunate it's become what it is today. Philly is where this nation and all of our high and mighty (hint of sarcasm) principles was conceived. Our teams and our people who support them are an extension of that, especially when it comes to our national pastime. In NYC, winning is a tradition. In Philly, it’s a way of life. Just like cheesesteaks and soft pretzels and Italian hoagies aren't just delicious foods. And The Roots and Beanie Sigel and Freeway and Billie Holiday and John Coltrane and Teddy Pendergrass and Jill Scott and Will Smith and Eve and Musiq, regardless of your generation and whether or not you listen to them, aren't simply musicians, they’re a part of who we are. We don't win as much as we should, but when we do we earn it. The hard way. The Philly way. We're the class of this country, the best and the brightest, fuck the haters. And stupid people from lesser places love to hate our town. I could write a book about the superiority of Philadelphia to any American city, and maybe I will just to prove a point on our home’s behalf. And I'm from the fucking suburbs. That says something. MotherPhuck NYC, Boston, Houston, LA (even though it’s my next future home), my beloved DC (aka Hollywood For Ugly People), Chicago, San Fran, and all the rest. They all have their merits, but not the complete package. This country would be the class of the world if everyone conducted themselves in the manner of a true Philadelphian. In fact, I firmly believe our next President needs to be a Philadelphian. I know it’s early and I voted for him, but President Chicago is not living up to my expectations. Maybe it’s the laid-back Midwestern tradition that is failing him. If, like Ben Franklin (who could have been a great President) – in my opinion the greatest mind in our nation’s history – Obama had spent his formative years in the City of Brotherly Love, maybe we’d be better off right now (not that Obama hasn’t inherited most of the mess were in, but still). Franklin’s thirteen virtues (at least some of them), like our food and music, are just another aspect of the Philadelphia philosophy. Can't wait to retire in a nice old rowhouse in Olde City. It might have to be sooner than later. Cheers to that principle tenet of the philosophy: home is where the heart is. And trust me, we have a lot of heart.